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Thursday, March 16, 2006
hey.
go read my previous post. it will be a much happier one.
since even i was smiling when i was typing it.
good times are meant to be kept.
gbmarchcamp2006. smiles.
and gosh am i going to back up that post. im not going to have blogger die on me like diaryx did.
the guys just went off. after dinner.
i tell you they really made my day.
apart from the spamming of my tagboard and squishing my beloved fluffy. now im gonna have to sleep on a not so fluffy pillow. ):
and we discussed quite a lot of stuff and i think we rock. x)
went to cut my hair. made them sit there to wait for me since it was on the way to where we were going to eat. must have been pretty amusing. like about 10 people squished into one shop.
my hair is now just tieable length. and trimmed my fringe. hoho.
we bought drinks and mixed them all together and when zach came back with his food, we passed him the drink and asked him to finish it up. he took it, drank one mouth and went "what's that. it tastes... weird." we told him it was some special drink and the more you drink it the nicer it tastes. and he really drank finish it. he's too trusting already.
but now they've left. and my brain is starting to work again.
especially after talking to brandon when we were going to buy stuff. he was telling me about what he felt about my thoughts.
so now thoughts are starting to flood back and my brain is churning out new thoughts.
sometimes when you talk to people and you are supposed to counsel them. what they say applies to you and you start thinking.
i guess we're simliar in that way.
and now it's bad. im troubled. he's troubled.
and therefore i cant talk to him.
have you
ever had this feeling when you know that deep down inside you know the answer but you just cant seem to find it.
ever had this feeling when you know you could have done much better but just didnt.
ever had this feeling when you always sensed something but never got down to doing anything and now it's too late.
ever had this feeling when you feel overwhelmed and one wave hits you just when the other falls.
ever had this feeling when others just dont get the whole point.
ever had this feeling when you just can't stop thinking even when you try to.
ever had this feeling when everything that ever troubled you has come back to haunt you.
ever had this feeling when whatever you see, whatever you hear, whatever you do, you can link it back to what is troubling you.
ever had this feeling when you have so many thoughts rushing through your brain but at times you just blank out.
that's exactly how i feel.
damnit.
i need to talk to someone.
i need someone to hit the nail right on the head.
and save me from the torture of my mind.
why do i always have to think so much.
why cant i stop thinking why ive started.
why am i thinking for the past few days.
why is my happiness short-lived these few days.
im going to visit pearlyn in the hospital. cause my dear mortal had an op for her appendix. poor her. and sherlyn has racing so bleargh, dont know who im going with.
anyone who is free tmr and feeling bored can accompany me. and cheer me up.
WHY CANT I JUST FREAKING SMILE AND LAUGH NATURALLY.
i dont care. this thinking had better end today.
IT HAD BETTER END TODAY.
I CANT LET IT DRAG ON.
I CANT.
IT'S AFFECTING ME A LOT.
IT MUST END TODAY.
IT WILL END TODAY.
OR BY TOMORROW THE LATEST.
THIS WILL NOT BE IN CONTROL OF ME.
I CAN HAVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS. BUT IT WILL END BY TOMRROW.
i hate this.
i feel like some emo idiot.
but the thing is that i dont feel like crying.
and im not feeling depressed.
im just feeling.. weird.
simplicity.
*****
simple facts
peiling
30 march
christian
tnsrgs
